Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. It is important to consult with legal professionals for guidance on specific legal matters. Results on engagements and online courses may vary, and a successful outcome is not guaranteed.
In the workplace, Black employees—particularly Black women—are often subjected to gaslighting tactics designed to silence, discredit, and diminish their valid concerns about discrimination and unethical behavior. One of the most insidious methods used is DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. Recognizing and exposing DARVO is essential to protecting your peace and power in environments that often feel stacked against you.
What Is DARVO and How Does It Show Up at Work?
DARVO is a manipulative strategy that shifts accountability from the person or system causing harm onto the person raising concerns. It looks like this:
Deny: When you voice a concern—whether it’s about discriminatory hiring practices, microaggressions, or a hostile work environment—management or HR may deny the issue entirely. Statements like “That never happened” or “We’ve never had complaints like this before” are typical responses meant to invalidate your experiences.
Attack: Once the denial is in place, the focus shifts to attacking your credibility. They may label you as overly sensitive, or difficult, or even accuse you of misunderstanding what happened. These attacks are meant to undermine your confidence and create doubt in others who might support you.
Reverse Victim and Offender: Finally, they flip the script, positioning themselves as the victim and you as the problem. They might say, “Your complaints are disrupting the team dynamic,” or “You’re creating a negative work environment.” By doing this, they deflect attention from their behavior and make you question your role in the situation.
For Black women, who are often already navigating stereotypes of being angry, aggressive, or overly assertive, DARVO can be especially harmful. It takes the racism, sexism, and microaggressions we experience daily and weaponizes them against us.
The Unique Impact on Black Women
Black women face a particular kind of scrutiny in the workplace. When we speak up about inequities or mistreatment, we’re often labeled as “troublemakers” or accused of not being team players. DARVO compounds this by eroding trust in our experiences and reinforcing workplace hierarchies that benefit the powerful at our expense.
For instance, when you report being overlooked for a promotion due to systemic bias, your manager might deny the claim, attack your qualifications or attitude, and then accuse you of being divisive for bringing it up. This pattern not only gaslights you but also creates a chilling effect, discouraging others from coming forward.
The emotional toll of this behavior is immense. DARVO can leave you questioning your self-worth, second-guessing your experiences, and feeling isolated. Stress, anxiety, and burnout are common outcomes, especially when this manipulation goes unchecked.
How to Protect Yourself: Recognizing and Documenting DARVO
The first step to combating DARVO is recognizing it for what it is: a deliberate tactic to silence and manipulate you. The second step is documenting it meticulously. Here’s how:
Record the Facts: Use a dedicated tool like my AntiHR Documentation Journal to write down what happened. Capture the specifics of the incident, including dates, times, and who was involved. Note the exact language used in their denial, their attacks on your credibility, and how they flipped the narrative to make themselves the victims.
Document the Emotional and Mental Impact: Don’t just record what they did—write down how it affected you. Did you feel gaslighted? Did it cause stress, anxiety, or sleepless nights? This is critical for establishing the full scope of harm caused by their behavior.
Gather Evidence: If possible, back up your documentation with tangible proof. Save emails, take screenshots, and record meeting notes. These details can provide clarity and corroboration if the situation escalates.
Stay Grounded in Reality: DARVO is designed to make you doubt yourself. Lean on trusted mentors, colleagues, or external advocates who can validate your experiences and offer support.
Tools and Resources to Protect Your Peace
Protecting yourself from workplace manipulation starts with the right tools. My AntiHR Documentation Journal is specifically designed to help you record, organize, and document workplace incidents like DARVO. You can grab your copy HERE.
For a deeper understanding of your workplace rights and strategies to protect yourself, purchase my Roadmap to Understanding Workplace Rights.
This comprehensive guide provides actionable insights to help you navigate even the most toxic environments with confidence. Get your copy HERE.
Escape Toxic Workplaces with the Save Yourself Mastercourse
If you’re in a hostile or toxic job and ready to make a change, the Save Yourself Mastercourse is a must-have resource. This course is especially helpful for Black women and provides a step-by-step roadmap to escape, heal, and move forward with confidence. Through the end of Black History Month (February 2025), you can get 15% off the course with promo code SAVEYOURSELF15. Start your journey to freedom HERE
And while you’re equipping yourself with the tools to fight back, don’t forget to check out my Minding My Business Merchandise
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Final Thoughts
DARVO is a dangerous tactic that thrives on silencing and disempowering those who speak up. For Black employees, especially Black women, it is both a reflection of systemic inequities and a tool for maintaining them. But you don’t have to navigate it alone.
By recognizing DARVO for what it is and documenting it with tools like my AntiHR Documentation Journal, you reclaim your voice and your power. Pair it with the Roadmap to Understanding Workplace Rights and the Save Yourself Mastercourse to deepen your knowledge, strengthen your strategy, and plan your escape from toxic environments.
Speak your truth, document your experiences, and remember: DARVO is manipulation, not a reflection of your worth. Stay grounded, stay vigilant, and continue advocating for the dignity and respect you deserve.
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HR is not your enemy, but they are definitely not your friend, I am.